It's okay to say NO

Why are people always so afraid to say no? Like I said in a previous post, don’t do it if it don’t play. It’s easier said than done but why keep yourself in situations that you rather not be in? I used to be one of those people who could not say no if my life depended on it. I never wanted anyone to be mad at me but at the same time I knew that I was going to be jumping through hoops because most of the times that I said no – I knew damn well that I couldn’t do it but I sure would try. Just so that they wouldn’t be mad. SMH. Then I grew balls. The same people who would continuously ask me for things were the same ones that if I didn’t pull through on my end of the deal would say the infamous line “if you couldn’t do it then you should have said no”. So that’s exactly what I started to do. If I don’t have it, I just don’t have it. If I cannot do it, I just don’t do. I realized that being a push-over left me with no time to do anything for myself because I was spending it on trying to make other people happy. In all reality, it does not matter who you are saying no to or what you are saying no to. Nothing that you do not want to do is worth doing. Whether it is for love, for money, for acceptance, a relationship or even for that person that just wants you to do everything for them. Love yourself enough to say NO.

Don't blame anyone but yourself

All too often woman and men play the blame game and yet the things that they blame on one another for are usually something that they are both doing in their relationship. Discussing an issue with a close friend brought this post out of me because he kept saying over and over “anything that comes out a females mouth I will not believe. No matter what I do its never enough for them”. I just went on to say well maybe your just messing with the wrong ones but when I hung up I felt his pain. Why do men and woman do that to one another? Why if a man OR a woman cheat, does it automatically have to be their lover’s fault? Is it not bad enough that you are hurt about the situation at hand that you had to be blamed for pain that you know in your heart you didn’t self inflict? Or why does the one person that loves you have to work so hard to mend a wound someone else threw salt on? These are questions that we all ask when we come across situations like such. I don’t have the answer to all of these questions but the many experiences that I have had in my life have brought me to my own conclusions.

When men or woman cheat, I feel like they blame their lovers because it is a vulnerable moment. You tell them that you did what you did because they weren’t treating right, they weren’t giving you what you wanted or you weren’t getting enough attention from them so you got it else where. They beat on your self- esteem and make you feel like the bad guy because sooner or later you start to believe you were wrong and the harder it will be to leave when you snap back into reality. For the next question, I cannot stress it enough, and this is for both men and woman, that if you are fighting to win someone’s heart to know the difference between a wounded heart and manipulation. Ask yourself, do they really want you? Or are they holding on for you for when they are not feeling so great. What are you really fighting for? Enough said. Whether you are the cheater, the one being cheated on, the broken- hearted or the one fighting for it. Be smart and be real, when it is your fault, don’t blame anyone but yourself.

What's hers is most certainly not mine - and if what's mine wants her then I dont want it

Unfortunately in college there are some people who sleep with people just for fun. With people they know people they don't and even people they consider to be "mistakes" because they were "drunk". Yet, there is that one that does it for fun. The kind that wants it all solely because all of it (referring to the male species) belongs to someone else. Its sickening but recently I came across someone like this and being that girls are into the catty stuff I figured that it was just that - her being a female. Nope she wanted what she felt was mine and she got it. I struggled to understand why and came to rather interesting conclusion. I came to the notion that maybe any female that she feels threatened by and in no other way can she compete with she must hit her where it hurts emotionally. Not knowing that she is going through this vicious emotional cycle herself. Its a sad reality but they are out there. Woman who openly admit that they sleep with older men, married men, younger men, men with children and yup the feeble minded college men as you can see from my story. Woman who will openly admit that they don't even want to commit to these men but that they just like the idea of having something that someone else thinks is theirs. Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Something that I believe all woman should follow

Everyday, society tells us how to act, how to feel and how to go about our business. Honestly, I just feel like more woman should just have a little bit more common sense. So let's get started. No woman should ever sweat out her "doobie" chasing after a dude. For those of you woman that this applies to but have no knowledge of exactly what a "doobie" is, its your hair. With this being said, you have to understand that if a man does not want you enough to be on your heels, he is not worth it. If you know your worth you will understand that your hair means way more to you than a no good dude. You should put yourself first always. Don't be scared of lonely, because like I say to my friends all of the time, you have to be the best company that you can keep. The next point of this matter is playing it smart and doing your part. You can know your roll, but don't be stupid. Ladies I cannot stress this enough - find out who you are messing with. What I mean by playing it smart is simply knowing and understanding HIS mannerisms before progressing with him in any other aspect. You will never know people until you know people and at the beginning of any relationship remember that each person (yes even you ladies) will put your best face forward. But all I am saying is do not act dumb. I he is hard to reach, hard to find, not texting back , no phone calls or he never calls you first . . . leave it alone. If sex if his favorite topic of discussion . . . leave it alone. If he never offers to do anything that will make you happy  or if he has questionable broads hitting him up . . . leave it alone. Some of the ladies reading this should not be getting played the way that they do. So seriously if you can pull his resume before going any further, do it! Okay so moving along - GOLD DIGGING IS A NO NO. So many times before I hear woman complaining "well he played me so I'm gonna play the next one - make him buy me this and pay for that". SMH newsflash! You are doing nothing but reducing yourself to the ho, and more than likely you will get no respect. Now I am not saying to mess with the broke kind (a jobless dude who is not doing anything for himself and he is not intelligent) because then honestly you will get nothing out of the deal. Plus, if you are in love with the money, what are you going to do when it runs out? - NOPE. Next I suggest that all you woman carry yourself like you know who you are. Conduct yourself like a lady but make it known that you are not a push over. If a man believes that he can control you - trust and believe that he will try.  good one knows that relationships are 50/50 and he will try and coincide with you. As a woman you have to be intelligent (no man wants a label whore, when the only foreign language u can speak is Louis Vuitton, D&G, etc. you know nothing but what you have heard) and you have to remain a lady - talking all loud in public because you are upset is a no-go and last but not least, maintain your appearance. If you do rock a weave, keep it done, keep it neat and keep it undetectable. Enough said. Wear the jean size that FITS you. Wear the shirt that REACHES your pants. Never be the one to fight over a man. Uh-uh - not a go. Never be the one who gets all upset and tells everyone's business because no matter how much you try to "piece it up" in the back of their minds you cannot be trusted. Next you have to be a boss not a"bonnie". It sounds waayy cliche, but to me it means something. You are not a housewife (no offense to the housewives in America) Don't be the one in the shadows. Be with someone who doesn't want you as number two, if he can't appreciate you being BESIDE him . . . eff him. Never depend on anyone or depend on unreliable people. Get yourself to the point where if you have them its cool, but if you don't, there is no question of what you'll do because you know what you will do when you dont have them . . . keep it pushin!  The last point that I would like to make to all the woman everywhere is to not degrade yourself! Be 100% confident all of the time. if you do not feel comfortable doing something, then don't do it. If it is not something that will make everyone want to be just like you - it is not worth it. Not for love, not for a compliment, money, a kiss or a relationship. And if you see another woman handling her business as you do, take not and give her, her props. Don't hate . . . don't say well "I could rock that better" all that female catty shit is for the birds.

 

IMPORTANT: You girls do not understand, the little things you do will indeed catch up to you. YES I am referring to that not so secret picture mail that no matter how much he says that he loves you and that it will stay between the two of you, HE WILL show his friends, HE WILL send them to whomever and trust and believe when he throws one of his bitch fits - he will let the whole world know. So if it something that you do not want the whole world to see, keep it to yourself. I would say that this is mainly directed to the younger girls, however "grown woman" are acting up these days.

mucho love - ash